worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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