Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
