There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
