Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
