it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
