I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
