I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
