I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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