You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
