Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
