There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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