I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
