I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
