My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
