I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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