Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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