I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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