Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
