everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
pray to the hookup gods
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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