It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
