somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
