Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
