Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You ruined the universe
Randomize
