Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
