I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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