apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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