I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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