why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
