This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
