Pappa wants mamma naked
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
