Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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