my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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