Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
