Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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