im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
