Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
