I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
