just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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