Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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