I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's the barista slut.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
