There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
