Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
