This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
