Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
