We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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