sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
