White coat. Heels.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
