At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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