Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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