She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
