id be glad to
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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