My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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