just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
