i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
