I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
