I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
