Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
