My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
