i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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