Jerry, you need to find god
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
