Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I bet he comes in French.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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