I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
