Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
