I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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