He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
