He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
