so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
