Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
