I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
